A world I will never know

Being in love is a world I will never know

Like the surface of Mars or in the paintings of van gogh

A glimpse into a dream one can never explain as the feeling of freedom beyond the earthly plane

Circumstances are to blame and my willingness to be alone

But sometimes I wonder if my heart is really home

Stuck in the cavity of herself, with no space to roam

Read Me

Read me like a song
Staining your lips like honey on your fingertips
Tracing the lines of my body the result of weak infrastructure
I do not care that I am not good enough for your cool mellow tango
Nor that I do not share the same tendencies towards swagger like the other girls
Read me like the jagged poetry you hate
Perhaps I am salty to your taste
Better hydrate your veins with sea mist than to evaporate without knowing water at all
If I could write this insanity to you in a letter, I would but you do not strike me as the sentimental type
Prove me wrong by disbelieving the whispered hype of my tediousness
I have a garden no one has seen and yet I wish to share this secret space with you
If you would let me
If you would show me that I am interesting if only to pick up this book and make it to the first page
Maybe you would like my story
Maybe I would write you another one

Lost

image

To get lost in the intricate cracks in the side walk

Decorating the asphalt in three year old scribbles

Scrabbling the concrete barricade against the raw earth

Falling in between the synthetic mantle underneath the soles of my protected feet

In dreams of vast oceans filling up the dry valleys of boredom I speak

In the heat of the moment, lost in the secret caverns of completion

Here where the clouds are reborn, empty of the rain that once created it

Here where time has no place, grace and decorum not needed

No walls, no borders, just life, just flowing.

All there is and always was.

Lost in the tasteless sauce of being

Here, is where freedom reigns

Here  there is meaning

The Bridge

The bridge floats in the ether

Atop the river Styx

Below the grey clouds

Death crosses it

Wooden planks black with sin

Life surrounds it

Protected by charms

Humanity fears it

No one truly knows what lies on the other side

Only the spirits are aware

But they are too weary to try

Demons there for the thrill

Angels here for the ride

Inch by inch I cross

Into the darkness

Into the light

Mirrors

I walked into a shop at the mall looking for new clothes to wear once. Gliding through the endless spectrum of colored fabric, fingers trying to guess the difference between a polyester blend and silk.

Not fashion forward enough to see the importance of the thread count, that is when the mirrors pounce knawing on entrenched insecurities, peeling away the fragile skin of my beauty.

The cracked glass of my radience nothing more than a scam to keep out what’s real. I never believed in the power of makeup. I still don’t no matter the chemical imbalance of the herbs strewn into my couldron of lies.

The glare of these mirrors more dangerous than bullets. More subtle than breath, more fearsome than the devil for through them lies the path to the prism of self hatred as my reflection is a reminder of the girl whose esteem was left behind, torn apart by vultures.

When All Knowledge is Lost

It is a frightening experience, when you realize that everything you thought you knew was wrong. When every definition of reality explained by scientists, researchers, religions and academia become meaningless. When the rationalized compartments of your mind ceases to produce thought forms, you ask yourself, what then?

What now? And most importantly, why?

Why is it easier to cling to a lie no matter how much the truth burns?

When the evidence of reality as it is and not what you imagined it to be starts revealing itself. Why, why now and how could you have not seen it?

When the answer has always been in front of you, whatever that may be, this is where the self blame comes in. The wretched state where you begin to hate your innocence, blame your foolishness. When you see for the first time that you are apart of humanity’s problem with discernment, despite all the HD cameras and satellites we are all still blind. The weather is still foggy. Regardless of the solar energy we would still rather use the fuel, as if we are on a suicide mission, a blessed race doomed from the start.

Waking Up To Nothing

I thought I chased off the darkness before

I believed these heavy emotions were gone forever

I thought I was alive once more

But apparently, this battle isn’t over

Far from it actually

It bothers me how easily you dismiss my lethargy

For a mere physical imbalance in need of fixing

All illness begins with the dimming of the mind

The disconnect of the soul from itself

For optimal health I must first stop waking up to nothing

Dear God, Goddess, Universe, whatever

Give me a sign

Show me something

Tape Worms

Have you ever seen a tape worm?

Those nasty tubes of disease ridden life forms

Feeding off the intestines of other living beings

Sucking their life blood dry

Infesting their organs, getting longer

And longer and longer until it reaches the brain then…

Then dies at 21 meters or 15 yards perhaps?

I’ve seen a tape worm

But not in its multi-dimensional bacterial form

See…

These worms are human

They look like us, talk like us

Yet instead of infiltrating the bowels of your stomach

They plague the open sewers of your mind

Feeding off of your emotions

Not unlike the real virus

They contaminate the purity of your heart

Tugging on the veins of your sanity

Leeching off the nectar of your soul

Because empty they are, naught but vampires

Mooching off your light, they take control of your veins

Attempting to transmute your gold into iron…

They can’t even get the formula right

They haven’t even seen the darkness

For shadow they swallow too

Black holes spiraling out of control

They can only feed…

If you allow them

Shattered Mind

My mind has been shattered by the harsh truth of life. That not all things are as it should be for it is the way reality works. Twisted,warped,confusing and restricting to some degree. They say that life is what you make it but I’ve been trying to make it better for the past few years. Being told I’m too young to be a pessimist but it’s hard not to be when all that you’ve hoped for is nothing but a lie to keep you quiet. I can’t keep on pretending that everything is going to be fine. Nothing ever seems to be, even if outward appearances show the illusion of it’s not that bad and we are OK.  It’s not, it’s really not. Why should I keep lying to myself?